Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Previous post update...

So I wanted to clear things up a bit about my previous post... my sister and I had a nice long convo via email and I think that it makes more sense of how I feel about the whole MIL situation. So here's some exerpts from said emails...

I think my rant was more along the line of her comment of staying "a while". She tends to overstay her welcome. I have never experienced someone like that before, mainly because the people who come visit I actually enjoy being around and aren't all judgy if I do something differently than they do. For instance, last night she was making dinner and wanted a scrubber for baked potatoes. First off, I always hand scrub potatoes because it's easier, or I peel them. Secondly, I don't eat the skin of baked potatoes. Thirdly, I hardly have them at all and when I do I buy organic. That goes for all of my fruits/veggies (which 99% of the time I peel). And scrubbers are full of bacteria. Ew. So I usually use a wash if I need to but ran out. She kinda got this judgy look and asked if I even eat vegetables. Because I don't have a damn scrubber?! And since when is a carb filled starchy root a veggie anyway?

(glad to make you laugh, cuz I know you are ;)

Anyway, it's not that I don't want her to be able to see the kids. I totally do. But it's hard for her to understand it's gotta be on my terms. With my family, we do things very similar. I don't feel overrun and out of my element my family members come to visit, and neither does Josh. I'm not on edge. And even though I have never had to tell any of my family to back off, I feel like I could without hurt feelings. With her I have to be careful what I say. She's proven this (not getting into that one...).

I totally get it's gonna be a transition. This has been something we have been planning for 10 years now. But at the same time Josh and I need to be able to get into our routine and I feel like with her I would be getting into her routine. It's different. I know she won't give us space. I feel like she would take over. Know what I mean? Plus Josh and I need bonding time. We want to get to know our kids and I just can't see that with her constantly in my grill telling me what I am doing wrong. I feel like my side of the family is all encouraging and understands. Josh's side has a lot of negativity and judgement and I don't think they quite understand how many children I've grown up around and how, even though I haven't ever been a mom, I have an understanding on how I want to be. And I can change diapers lol!

Like I said, I want them to visit. It's an exciting time. BUT I don't want them to practically move in...

My sis really put my mind at ease. She has faith that Josh and I will be great parents, and even though it will be hard, it will be worth it. It will be fun.

We just need to be firm....

*breathe*

4 comments:

Once Upon A Time said...

It will be hard and things will not go entirely as you want it to... but you'll be fine. Just figure out ahead of time what things you want to stand firm on (even if that means you have to be a jerk- you can always blame it on the hormones) and what things you can let slide, even if they get on your nerves. Come up with some code words with Josh too-so that he knows when to step in and when you've had enough. I'm glad your sister put your mind at ease.

K said...

Just catching up on your blog again. Sorry, the updates don't show up automatically so I have to remind myself to go "find" you. :)
I think lots of families struggle with negotiating visitation guidelines for the grandparents and others. And you're right...you'll get into a routine, everybody will behave, and things will work out. It just takes navigating. Have a Merry Christmas. So happy we are not burried in feet of snow this year!

cat said...

love you....:)

Chele said...

I admit I was laughing at the vegetable scrubber thing because I feel the same way about them. I however, will eat the peel if it's a twice baked cheesy potato. :)

To handle MIL you and Josh need to be on the same page and present a united front at ALL times. Sure it's going to tick off the MIL if she disagrees, but with a united front she will back off and have to respect the boundaries. If she doesn't then you and Josh have to be prepared to stand firm.

Tell her she's welcome to come for a "FEW DAYS" after you recover from the first round of visitors. If she pushes then push back and tell her that you and Josh need that time ALONE with your baby without the outside distractions no matter how well intended they are.

From my own experience, the sooner I got into a normal daily routine with the baby and then babies (mine are 14 months apart) the easier it was for me to manage everything and stay centered. My MIL happens to be a slob so I very much resented having to pick up after her.


Hang in there! You'll be fine and be a great Mom.