Thursday, August 6, 2009

A little better...

I am feeling better, thanks in HUGE part to the comments you all have given me :) I didn't know this would be as hard as it is. I have done IUI 3x, I have been in the TWW countless times, but this is different.

This time I know for a fact I have embryos in me. Whether or not they have implanted I don't know. But I know that I have tried.

I haven't felt nearly the same discomfort I felt between the ER and the ET. I have been moody and a little depressed. I am trying to convince myself this has worked, but then I think it hasn't. Nothing else has worked, why should this?

But then I listen to people like R*, a coworker. I told her about what was going on and every time I say "I hope this works", she gets "mad" (not mad) and says "don't say that! Say that you know it worked and keep those positive thoughts! you have a baby or 2 in there, don't forget that".

Every once in a while I feel a little twinge in my uterus. not often, but I did feel it on the way home. Every time I feel it, I ask aloud, "is that you, little one?" Because if it is, I want him/her/them to know my voice and know that mommy loves them dearly and always will, no matter what.

This is the hardest thing I have ever done.

12 comments:

Brandie said...

Huge ((hugs))!! Keep talking to your babies - when they're little ears grow, they'll know exactly who Mama is :) Positive vibes and thoughts.

C Lo said...

oh wow.

*hug*

Katie said...

It IS a lot harder than we expect, even though we know the facts about what we are getting into. My husband wouldn't let me voice anything less than positive either. Just tell those little embies that you love them and to keep growing too. :)

IF Optimist, then... said...

I understand. As soon as I had my embies transferred they were MY monsters and they were with me no matter what the outcome. Be positive, enjoy those twinges and talk to them all you want. They are with you, I'm hoping that at least one will stick around for the ride of his/her life. ;-)

'Murgdan' said...

IT is the hardest thing EVER...and while being 'positive' has its merits...people who haven't done IVF have no idea what that 2WW is like, and I must say I only felt positive for about 10% of mine...and explained reality to anyone who told me to feel anything other than realistic.

hang in there.

sweetpeanme said...

Ugh...I'm right there with you. You're right...this ISN'T as bad as the IUI wait...because you KNOW they're in there...they just need to implant!!

I think I was brought to tears seven times yesterday...and for no reason...this is tough!!

Thinkin' about you!

Sandra D. said...

Wow - I've missed a lot! I hope those embryo (s) start implanting soon and that they bring on some pregnancy symptoms so you can feel a bit more relaxed knowing they're in there :-)

cat said...

definitely talk to those twinges...i felt them with both girls and am so glad i talked to them from the beginning..:) i know it's hard, but R is right...you have 2 little loves in there that need to know you have faith in them...:)

i love you so much...and i love your babies more then they can even know...:) big hugs to you all!

Eileen said...

Sending sticky embryo vibes your way!!! Good luck!

VelvetMinxx said...

Eeeeek! Team Rice Cakes!!!

No matter what happens, you are pregnant in this moment. Rice Cakes are not chopped liver!

Scrambled Egg said...

I'm thinking about you in this tww! Crossing fingers, toes, and everything else. =)

Hey, I nominated you for an award on my blog. You're pretty awesome.

BB said...

Crossing my fingers for tomorrows beta! I can't wait to hear... are you POAS? {HUGS} Thanks for your support!