Sunday, August 30, 2009

Ugh hormones....

I had my first "real" emotional meltdown today. It all started when Josh and I were finishing up the last of moving out of our place into our new pad. I wasn't doing anything strenuous, just packing up a box when all of the sudden neausea set in. I went into the bathroom immediately because I knew I was going to be sick. When I was done, I went and sat down and started crying uncontrollably. So many thoughts were going through my head...

- I felt terrible that I wasn't that much help and poor Josh had to so most of the work.
- what if I hurt the babies while working in the move?
- what if I am a bad mom who can't provide for her children?
- what if this whole twin thing puts a wedge in my relationship with my husband?
- what if he can't take it and leaves me? What if he decides he doesn't want kids?
- oh my god we are having twins....

Of course these thoughts are entirely irrational and it's just the hormones and the stress of moving that caused my little episode. I know that. But remember from a previous post, I am not being that rational at the moment.

I have another u/s on Sept 17. 2 1/2 long weeks until I see them again. Josh is taking the afternoon off to be there. He's just as invested in this as I am. We've been together for 15 years, we know eachother so well. We know exactly how each reacts to things. So why am I so scared?

Fucking hormones......

4 comments:

BB said...

It's natural to be anxious... just try to relax... you are going to be a great Mommy!

Katie said...

Remember, I told you to try not to worry for as long as you could! But that being said, it is totally natural to be super scared- you just found out you are having twins after a long time with no children, after all! On top of all the typical PG worry there's even more to figure out and worry about. I've had similar thoughts to just about everything you said.

Here's what I have to say: 1.) Josh knew what he was getting into- don't feel bad that you weren't much help. This is just going to get worse over time. He will get used to it. :) 2.) As long as you didn't try to lift a couch by yourself- you didn't hurt your babies. They are more tough than you think. 3.) You are going to be the best mom because for your babies you have endured. It will all work out, I am sure of that. 4. and 5.) Take lots of time in the next couple of months to cherish the relationship you have with Josh and all will be well. :) I know you know they were irrational thoughts- but doesn't it feel better to hear the reasonings why you don't have to have those worries anyway?

Now start worrying about what you need to have two of, where you are going to put both cribs, and deciding on 2 girl names and 2 boy names, etc.. Those are much more productive things to worry about. :)

And I'm always only an email away if you want to talk!

cat said...

those fucking hormones will do that. poor j that first trimester because i was just so irrational and would flip from tears to being mad over small stuff...it does pass, and knowing josh like we do, i know he'll be caring and understanding..:) seriously, the worse emotional upheaval has already been what you both have been through. the stress you've dealt with in trying all these years and taking all the hormones you have, etc...and look at how close you guys still are..;) i guarantee that man isn't going anywhere and understands better than pretty much any other man, that hormones play games and to let it roll off..;) it gets better the second tri...trust me. everything evens out and there isn't that rush of hormones anymore like you are experiencing right now.

all you can do right now is nurture yourself and your babies...:) understand that these hormones will pass and that you will have days where you just feel like crap! but it's all for the best reasons...:)

you will do wonders for those kids. remember, you've got sisters who understand and are here for you no matter what!

love you so much...

oh, and one more thing to remember...forgive yourself for your tears because they are shed for all the right reasons. *smooch* xoxox

sweetpeanme said...

Awwww...I know this twin thing is a lot to handle...my hubby still looks pretty shell shocked himself!!!

God won't give you more than you can handle!!! And I'm pretty sure your DH is excited and nervous about these little miracles too!! That's okay!!!

Hope you don't get sick too much more!!! Poor thing!!