I am posting from my iphone. Cool :)

Moving on... I had a bad day at work today. Being memorial day weekend it's one of the busiest of the year. Which is ok. That is, if your staff showed up on time. So my day didn't start out as planned due to this.

And I don't understand why people feel like they can be dowright mean to sales associates. I got yelled at for something a customer misunderstood. She thought we refused to ring her daughter up when in fact the daughter wasn't ready. She insisted we were wrong. Ugh whatever. And little teenage rich girls just love treating us like we are beneath them.

On the up side on the way home from work I daydreamed about taking my someday kid to the zoo and a picnic in the park thanks to a radio show I listened to called Greasy Kid Stuff (google it!). It was kid songs that were all punk and alternative. My favorite was "who put the duh in dinosaur, must have been the dumb brontosaurus". I think it was by Snow Patrol but I'm not sure. I just happened on the show because my radio dial was on 94.7 Alternative Portland. I love that station. I think you can stream it if interested.

Also my tattoo is looking good, almost healed :) for those of you who have a tattoo know that it goes through a gross ugly stage which I won't get into. It's looking prettier now.

I also have my ivf class on tuesday yay!!! I am excited but my husband is in for a nice shock I think. Especially when it comes to him injecting the meds for me.

Oh and to those who have asked, I will post pics of the new finger puppets when I finish :)

Show and tell - my new tattoo!!

Show and tell time!

I have wanted a flower on my shoulder for a long time. Not for any reason or symbolism, I have just always liked the idea. I have also a great love for all things Tim Burton. It started with the dark whimsy of Beetlejuice way back when... So I wanted to somehow mesh the 2 together and here it is! I LOVE it!!!

Here's another pic mid-tattoo...

I highly recommend Jose' from Action Tattoo in Auburn, WA. He was thorough, listened to what I wanted, and gave me a beautiful piece of artwork!!

*AND it now hurts like a bitch, but that's only temporary....

Tattoo? don't mind if I do!

I am getting a tattoo today! pics to follow :)

When will it all end?

As you know, I am currently in the Seattle area sans hubby. We were talking about our plan to get tattoos today. Well, I was supposed to meet with the artist this evening but it took me nearly 3 hours to get home due to traffic and torrential downpour, so I missed the appointment.

I don't know why I have such a guilty strain in my DNA but I do. I was supposed to go with my SIL, but I actually felt guilty that I got stuck on the freeway. Like it was my fault. And that's where it started.

I cannot meet with the artist, and SIL doesn't know what to tell this guy about what I want. Ok, I get that. So I told DH that maybe I just won't get it and he can get his. Then I started talking financials, it got me thinking about the $3K I need to give my RE in a month and before I knew it the tears were pouring.

I never never talk about the IVF thing out loud except to my DH, and even that is not as often as it should be. I babble on and on here because I find it easy to write about but nearly impossible to talk about. I also know most of you who read this understand to an extent what I am going through. But not one person I know IRL has ever gone to the magnitude that I have. I know no one in my personal life who has had to stick needles in themselves in a futile attempt to get pregnant. No one I know has had a major surgery just to up the chances of conceiving by miniscule percentages.

Sure I know MANY who have had problems conceiving. But each of these people I know were able to and have one beautiful child or more. It was a hard process for them, I am absolutely not downplaying the heartache that they have encountered, believe me, I have been there. My problem is I am still there and I feel like I am in a deep hole and unable to get out. There is a pinpoint of light, but I have no idea how to get to it. I have tried to claw my way up and the only thing I have to show for it are bruises.

I am so sorry if I have offended anyone with this post. It was absolutely not my intention.

I think I am just tired of dealing with this. I am tired of the stupid things people say to either downplay the whole ordeal or try to understand how I feel. I feel like I have been through a war so far. I don't need the sympathy, I need this to be over once and for all. And I am tired of people not appreciating what they have.

And I don't know how the subject of a tattoo ended with a breakdown. This whole fertility thing is my life, Everything I do and everything I feel is interwoven with threads of being denied my divine right as a woman. So no matter what I do or say or think, it will always have a note of infertility.

Everything reminds me of the fact I am infertile. And that sucks...

Rants and Raves...

Rants:

• In-laws were here and did nothing but complain the whole time. Such as when asked "how did you sleep?" replied with "terrible, it would have been better with a pillow and blanket, or at least a sheet on the blow-up bed we brought"... Ummmmm, you could have asked, we assumed you had your crap together.
• Having to hide my lovely bird tattoo from said in-laws as to not spark another conversation about it being "unclassy".
• Getting a letter from my landlord saying they were selling the house and if we would like to buy they would "work" with us. By work they mean attempt to list the house at $25K over the current market rate and "working" with us by knocking off 5 grand... So now there's the absolute certainty that moving will be in my near future as our lease is up in September. I wanted to sign another 6 months, but guess not.
• Spending nearly $10 a day driving to and from work. So I guess no more Starbucks for me!

Ok, raves:

• I am actually working now. Happy about that.... but although I get a killer discount on the clothes I still can't afford them.
• Going to the Happy Monkey Coffee Shop today! I loved it, lots of unclassy people there now. I felt like I belonged. And the prices are fabulous, so I can sorta afford it. And they had free BBQ today... yummmmm
• Molly (aka Jelly Moons) my dog actually let me trim her nails today. That's a feat (or "feet" if you want me to be funny)...

So I am feeling a little bad because it took mere seconds to write the rants and I really had to think of the raves... I mean, trimming my dog's nails?!

A little birdie told me....

I got a tattoo! It's kinda big, kinda on my shoulder, but completely awesome...

Thanks to Eddie at Maple Valley Tattoo for this!

Oh yeah, and my levels are good for my stimulation cycle. I have 3 to 4 maturing follies...I go back tomorrow....