Tuesday, April 27, 2010

I guess no breastfeeding??

So... My body has stopped producing milk. I got that 5oz on Saturday. Since then. Nothing. Well, not nothing. Maybe a tablespoon during an hour long pumping session. My breasts don't feel full, I have to squeeze like hell to get a teeny bit expressed to try to entice my babies to nurse, or to get it started for pumping. I just finished pumping and got literally a few drops. How the hell do women produce enough to stockpile??

So it's starting to make sense - Riley and Dylan don't like nursing because they aren't getting anything out of it.

I have tried drinking a ton of water. I have tried red raspberry leaf tea. I am willing to try mothers milk tea and the herb Shell mentioned in the previous post's comments. I am even going out to rent a stronger double pump. But honestly, I feel dry now. And I am feeling like this is my body's way of telling me it ain't happening.

Fuck.

I talked to my mom about it. She said she also always had milk issues. She was never able to pump more than an ounce. One of my sisters had milk issues as well. Maybe we just aren't the pumping type??

So I know it's not my fault. I've done everything I can to nourish my children's little bodies with the best milk possible - my own - and there have been constant obstacles. I have worked hard at trying to nurse, I still do. I have tried every little thing that every friend, family member, and lactation expert told me to try.

I told myself I would not beat myself up over this should it not work out. But I can't help feeling like I have failed.

So the best I can do now is continue my feeble attempt of milking a rock and continue to make sure my babies are fed. They are 3 weeks old as of this Thursday. How much longer can I do this until it's enough?
:(

9 comments:

The Patterson's said...

I'm so sorry. Try not to beat yourself up...there are lots of changes going on and I know you'll do whatever is best for you and your babies.

Deanna said...

I just stopped by from Multiples and More, and thought I would leave a word of encouragement. Just reading through your last posts, it sounds like you are already doing all you can and being an amazing mom to those precious babies!

I nursed my twins and supplemented with formula through the first two weeks. The nursing, pumping, and supplementing around the clock took its toll. Once I let go of the breastfeeding (that I felt I "should" be trying harder at), I felt much, MUCH less stressed and more confident about everything. They got all the nutrition they needed from formula...and they have turned out to be great eaters, with no food allergies or other issues, and they have been sick with only two minor colds in their first year.

I just wanted to share my experience and let you know that there are others who have been there and struggled with the same guilt you are probably facing right now. In my opinion, a happy, healthy, less-stressed mama will help lead to happier babies.

I have no doubt that you will soon find a solution that works best for you and your little ones, whatever route it might be. Hang in there!! : )

sweetpeanme said...

You are doing such a wonderful job! And it sounds like your trying all the right things. I know its probably frustrating...but if your kiddos are happy and healthy...that's all that matters right!?

If the breastfeeding isn't going to happen...don't kill yourself with pumping...ugh..I hate my pump...its like death by pumping...BLAH.

Jennifer said...

Hello!

I have something you can try. It has worked wonders for me more then once as well as many other moms. Brewers Yeast. You can get it at a nutrition store like GNC. Buy the tablets only (and start with the max dose). The powder tastes terrible!! It is safe to use (I'm an ob/gyn nurse and have talked to many ob's). It started helping me within 1 day!!! And it is cheap. Good luck.

By the way...those kido's are super cute!


Jennifer

*Michelle* said...

I wish I still had my electric Medela breast pump-- I would send it to you. The only thing that really stimulates milk production is nursing-- or a really good pump. It can seem like you're producing nothing if let down never happens during a pumping session, and a bad pump is not good at stimulating let down. Are you feeling engorged at all when you don't pump for several hours? I'm so sorry you're struggling with this!!! When it works, nursing actually makes mothering so much easier... but I can feel your pain & frustration in this post.

You can actually increase your milk production at any time for a long time, so even if you wan to take a break for awhile, you can change your mind later and focus on it again once you have a decent pump.

Hugs, hugs & more hugs!

Camilla said...

Just stick it out. It took me at least 3 or 4 weeks (or more) before I really got anything from pumping with my twins. I remember sitting with the pump for 30 minutes and getting like 1/2 an ounce and being SO FRUSTRATED.

Just be patient and relax. The more worried you are about no milk coming, the less likely you are to let down. Just tell yourself you are trying your best and if you don't get any milk, you can always supplement with formula- I don't know any kids that are formula fed who are lesser because of it. You are a great mom and those cuties will certainly be thriving soon.

I didn't read through your blog but even my twins who were born at 38 weeks (about 5 pounds apeice( just struggled with nursing for awhile. I think when they have such tiny little mouths and a little bit pretern it takes awhile for the suckling reflex to kick in.

That's my best advice (my twins are 7 now, so it has been awhile, but I do remember it was HARD). GOOD LUCK!

Camilla said...

Okay, now I just read up on your difficulties. . . .so SORRY! Twins are so stinkin' hard- especially the first couple of months. If you don't have a T.V. where you feed your twins at night, invest in a portable DVD player and start a new T.V. series. . . .I can't tell you how much more enjoyable night-time wakings are when you have an episode of '24' or something else to look forward to.

Also, the book 'Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child,' saved me. . . lots of great info. By Marc Weissbluth.

matt and shell said...

Hugs Hun….

Flying Monkeys said...

So, I haven't had twins but I have had supply issues and I did feel guilty. And I hated my body because couldn't it do one thing right in this whole reproductive game? ONE THING!! No, it couldn't and my boys are still healthy, smart, feisty and loved. Our ped finally told me that I should accept I did my best and concentrate on loving my baby, that made it a hair easier to let go but not a lot.
Much to the joy of my friends, however, I did not give up until I had caught up on every (almost) episode of the original Star Trek. : )
Be kind to yourself momma, you're doing a good job!