Monday, January 12, 2009

I'm not O - FU@%$&ING - kay

I had a bit of a freak out yesterday about IVF. I feel like I have been taking thise whole thingwell, but it just got to me. It's 2009. In 2001 I saw my OB/GYN about fertility. That means it's been 8 long years of a whole lot of nothing. Well, not nothing. I DID have tests, pills, injections, monitoring, lying about why I don't have kids, early morning doctor visits, IUI, and more people looking at my hoo-haw than I care to know. Most people know exactly how many ultrasounds the have had. I lost count somewhere in the 20's.

My doctor was always impressed by my positiveness each month when I went in for new tests because the last ones didn't work. Except for the first time, I never cried when I got the negative beta results back.

Now it's come down to test tubing it. And frankly, I'm scared to death.

3 comments:

Chele said...

You have every right to be scared and it's a perfectly normal reaction. I have nothing but respect for anyone that goes through the process.

We decided against it last summer as our last resort and don't regret making that decision because it felt right for us.

A huge factor is we were blessed early in our marriage with Derek and Jake and they are enough. However, we both know that we would have gone through IVF asap if we didn't already have them and deal with all the hormonal crap that comes with it. At almost 42 and 48 we were concerned about a difficult multiples pregnancy that could have impacted our children and the rest of our lives. We also know that had we not already had children we would have done the IVF as soon as we could in order to have a chance of having a child of our own.

Keeping +++ vibes flowing your way that you find some peace about the whole thing and the hormonal affects aren't too bad. I can't wait to see you post a BFP after all this time.

GOOD LUCK!

Lucky Jones said...

Thanks so much, Chele, your kind words mean so much to me :-) I am hoping the hormones aren't too bad - I did do FSH injections and it wasn't so bad, but anything is worth having a little one (or two) of our own....

cat said...

oh sweetie...you are feeling exactly how you should. you have been so amazingly strong through it all and never wanted to let out how you were feeling. but you know, it's going to be okay love. i only had to deal with a small fraction of what you have and it was hell...i can't imagine what you've gone through all these years. you've got my support and my love sis...always and forever...