A little better...

I am feeling better, thanks in HUGE part to the comments you all have given me :) I didn't know this would be as hard as it is. I have done IUI 3x, I have been in the TWW countless times, but this is different.

This time I know for a fact I have embryos in me. Whether or not they have implanted I don't know. But I know that I have tried.

I haven't felt nearly the same discomfort I felt between the ER and the ET. I have been moody and a little depressed. I am trying to convince myself this has worked, but then I think it hasn't. Nothing else has worked, why should this?

But then I listen to people like R*, a coworker. I told her about what was going on and every time I say "I hope this works", she gets "mad" (not mad) and says "don't say that! Say that you know it worked and keep those positive thoughts! you have a baby or 2 in there, don't forget that".

Every once in a while I feel a little twinge in my uterus. not often, but I did feel it on the way home. Every time I feel it, I ask aloud, "is that you, little one?" Because if it is, I want him/her/them to know my voice and know that mommy loves them dearly and always will, no matter what.

This is the hardest thing I have ever done.

Overwhelmed

I don't know if it's the drugs, the bedrest, or what but I am feeling completely overwhelmed right now. I don't think I want to talk about this whole experience until there is something to talk about.

I've updated all I know, and I know I won't have anything else until next week. I don't want to over-analyze symptoms, talk about how I'm feeling, etc because frankly I will drive myself nuts. Also my feelings physical and emotional change at the drop of a hat, so I don't know how much real truth there is in "how I feel". Just know I'm excited, scared, happy, depressed, in pain, feel just fine... I don't know how I'm supposed to feel so I will just feel it all. Or nothing. Or some. I don't know.

I just want to believe this has worked and let it be.