33/6

YAY -the babies made it another week! tomorrow marks 34 weeks. I am so, so happy and I feel like I can relax a little...

Josh took care of bringing the bureau down and putting the bookshelves upstairs yesterday. I converted it into a lovely "baby center". Which means I stocked it with diapering items, onesies, sleepers, and blankets so I won't have to go all over the house for necessities if I am chilling in the living room in the middle of the night.

Speaking of middle of the night - I actually got decent sleep last night! I ended up going to sleep around midnight, woke up 2 or 3 times, but fell right back asleep, and I was up for the day at 6:30. A bit of a feat for me. I feel good... Except my back pain has gotten worse during my waking hours. I can get comfy at night, but during the day I am attached to my heating pad... And yeah, they babies are both definitely lower now. BH have been more frequent and more painful. Not enough to warrent a call to my dr but definitely worse....

I had a bit of an emotional fit the other day. And by that I mean crying uncontrollably for an hour and totally freaking poor Josh out. I just feel so helpless. I want to vacuum and clean and such. Josh told me to just ask him instead of getting myself worked up. For me it's easier said than done. I was raised to be pretty self-sufficient and take care of things myself, so it's always been hard for me to ask for help. I feel like a nag if I ask. He says not to worry about it....

I was watching Kendra the other day. It was the one where she had her baby. In her hospital room she was heavily and painfully laboring. And there were 10-12 of her family members in the room with her. Just watching her. Like staring at her. As I was watching that I thought "that's my hell". After she had the baby everyone in the room kept asking to hold him. She didn't seem to mind. I asked Josh if I should feel bad that I am almost glad we don't have family super close by so that we can enjoy a few precious hours of just us should the babies come early. He said that the birth of our children is a very private time and he would be happy to have it be just us for a little bit. I don't know if I would feel the same way if it wasn't for IF. We lived in a silent hell for years, glazing over our fertility problems with family and friends. But quietly screaming inside. So with that being so private I feel like we earned our own time, even if only an hour or so, of just us. Of course if we make it to a scheduled c-section (doubt it), that will change a little. And that's ok too. BUT when I say "out" I mean "out" ;) Thankfully the few people who will come from out of town will understand that.

I hope!